Below is another SiYing Writing...
it is very nice but quite grey.... haha....
i share the same sentiments!!!
I am a black and white TV
Was walking up from the library then I realized everything is so different. Remembering the old times did I realize that because each time I walked around in campus, it wasn’t just sights that accompany me. It was sound, noise, voices, laughter, smiles and fun. And they have since disappeared. I wish this wasn’t a cross road.
But like what my msn nick says, I'm trying to get used to my life [Uncontactable].
That was how I felt like yesterday- a black and white TV. I don’t think I ever watched TV from a black and white TV, though I saw one from the colored TV. Black and white TV in today’s modern setting represents an abandoned, forsaken object from the past. They used to play an important role in people, their relationships with their neighbours (we always know that neighbours without TV would go over to families with black and white TV) and their entertainment. But now, their most justifiable place in society are collectors’ homes or the museums. And the great thing was, I felt like one. Even one with broken speakers. Probably black and white TVs don’t have speakers, but I think you get what I meant. I was the black and white TV in which the volume wouldn’t work either.
Each time when I used to go around campus, sight was not my only companion. I didn’t particularly admire the trees and planting they had around and about. I didn’t think much about the new fake walls that they start building around the toilets, neither did I think much about looking at them like I never would have a chance too. I still have a few months, or even a year more to look at them, but I realized they weren’t the same as before. I always thought that it is when your last chance would you see things differently. Little did I know that actually things could be different when life is different.
Like I wrote, in the past, sight was never my only companion. In fact sight was never the lead actor. It was sound, noise, voices, laughter, smiles and fun. I wouldn’t be walking around the campus with my receiver blasting music in my ears, or listening to other people having conversations. Neither was laughter only an image in front of me. Smiles were never meant to return other people’ grin. Fun was never mentioned in the past tenses. But they seemed to be reality now. I was in the computer lab alone. I was on the computer terminal alone. I was in front of the photocopying machine alone. I was in the library alone. I was searching for books alone. I was having lunch with myself, alone. I was on my own, alone. I was in the classes alone. I was out of classes alone. I was studying alone. I was trying to study alone. Loneliness never seems so close to me before. I mentioned before, sometimes I don’t know if it is lonely because the day is long, or that it is long because I was lonely? I guess I would never get that equation right.
And so what was the hardest part of loneliness? I kept feeling like each day in school is like a battle to be won, but of course I was a losing warrior. Better still, a colour blinded warrior with much limited speech.
The writer’s note
Just completed the textbook readings for this week. Yap, lots of readings to be done week after week. Sometimes I don’t know what was retained, and which knowledge is meant for which module already. But all these are part of being a student, and I am definitely not complaining. Had been playing this role for the most part of my life, probably the best role I ever played. So long that sometimes the longer I am a student, the more afraid I am for life not being a student. You get too comfortable being a student; all your core competencies (sounds so business-like) are built around being a good student. Which would all change the moment you graduate. Oh actually, the moment you start looking for a job. Sometimes I really can’t believe that I am already at this stage of my life already. I am still so young (maybe 21 is old), still so new to many things, still so dependent, still not mature enough, not grown up enough. Not long ago, I was still a fresh college graduate, then I was still so new in campus, and then I was still learning how to function well in university, then I was attending 21st birthday parties and preparing for my own. Now, I am already at the door of the corporate world.
Probably sooner or later, my msn nick would be: Feeling like a black and white TV
